Dark eyes can not see full moon

We know how scary darkness can be.  We remember wanting a night light in our room when we were children.  We put lamps and outlets and light switches in every room in our home so that we can keep the darkness away.  Light is a comfort.  Light assures us that we know where we are going and what we are doing. It keeps us oriented and it keeps things clear. 

You remember the darkness when you were depressed.  You remember waking up each day and feeling like a cloud lived over your head.  You remember that even with lights shining around you that nothing felt bright.  It was dark.

You remember the darkness when you were uncertain, when life began to overwhelm.  When there was more month that money.  When the bills couldn’t get paid. When you applied for job after job only to get turned down every time, and when you started to doubt when people said “It has nothing to do with you” – after all, what else could it be about? And it was dark.

You remember the darkness when your relationship misunderstanding not works. 
When she said you are weak,what u done for me . You remember looking forward to the rest of your life and feeling the emptiness beside you.  You remember despairing that you were unloveable, unworthy, the guilt of messing it all up.  It was dark.

You remember the darkness of loss.  You remember when the waves of grief would come and it felt like the darkness would consume you.  You remember wondering if there could ever be light again, if you would spend your life in a world of shadows while you were forced to keep on living. It was dark.

You remember sickness.  You remember abuse.  You remember you struggling and feeling helpless. You remember the temple letting you down.  You remember friends turning away.  You remember doubting God.  You remember darkness.

And many of you don’t even have to remember – because you are living in darkness right now.  You are longing for light.  You are praying for it.  And when you read “whoever follows me will never walk in darkness” it stabs a little – because you are trying to follow, and you still feel the darkness. And that’s frustrating.
I realize now that I didn’t know much about darkness until this last year in my life.  I thought I did – Iu had lots of seasons of lament, and struggle, and heaviness of heart, and they were hard for me.  But that deep darkness – the darkness that physically weighs on you – that came this year. That’s what I didn’t understand about darkness – that it could envelop you as quickly and as unexpectedly as someone turning off a light switch, and that I could never quite predict when the light would switch off.  I could spend a few weeks feeling the light begin to grow, and then I would have a memory, or hear a song, or notice the date on the calendar, and the light would shut off and the darkness would come again.  It annoyed me a lot at first.  At first, I would think “I thought this was over!!  I thought the light was coming back!!”but i thought that I would learn to live in this world where the darkness comes and goes.  I would learn.

i know the world is bright and I laugh and enjoy the sunshine and see all the joy God gives all around me. I love those times.  And there are times when all I’ve got is a glimmer – just enough for me to put one foot in front of the other.  But you know what? I’m still walking.  It may feel like the darkness is everywhere – but I’m walking in the light.

I know some of you who are reading this are feeling overwhelmed by the darkness, and maybe you have longed for light for a long time.  Perhaps you are tired of having to follow just that little shred of light.  You are tired of having to strain your eyes and look so hard.  You would like god to come in like a flood light and watch all the darkness disappear.  One day, it will be that way.  But if that day is not today, may you find hope and comfort in the glimmer.  May the glimmer remind you that there is another side of the door.   May you keep walking until the day that the door opens. Let’s walk together.