Life in ashes

 log kehte hain ki tu kyu  peeta hain....
jo tujhe jeete jee maare aisi lat kyun paalata hain....
main muskurakar bas yuhi taal diya krta hu....
vo puchte rehte hain tu kyun piya karta hain....
kya bayaan karu, apna kaise samjhaaun unhe....
har ek kash ki kahani kya batlaaun unhe...
keh deta hun ki bas ek kamzori samjhna meri....
apni pehchaan chupaane ki aadat samjhna meri....
samjhna ki kuch batane se darta hun....
samjh lena ki darr ko dikhaane se darta hun...
kbhi bheed mein ozhil hone se darta hun...
to kbhi apne ko dhue mein chupaaya sa karta hu.
kbhi apni narazgi ko pyaar mein badlne ke liye...
kbhi iss dhokhebaaz duniyan mein jeene ke liye....
kbhi doston ne dhokha diya use yaad krne ke liye.....
kbi zindagi aur maut ke beech  jhulte hue khud ko bachaane ke liye....
main har pal issi dhue mein jiya krta hun har kash mein khud se lada krta hun.... 

jab bhi khud se samjhauta kiya karta hun...
apne guroor ko asmaan se yun zameen pe patka krta hun....
jab chaah ke bhi beshara bebas sa mehsus krta hun....
jab bhi khud ko ladkhdaata dekhta hun....
shayad duniyan ise ek gandi aadat samjhe....
par main issi ke sahaare roke bhi hasa karta hun....
kbi apne,sath naa de paaye to akelapan door kiya krta hun....
main iss bebasi ko har ek kash mein bayaan karta hun..
.
baaki to shauk ki baat hain kya pta kal main bhi chhod dun....
kisi aur ne sahara diya to isse nata tod lu....
par abhi ke liye main peeya krta hun.....
issi dhuee mein zindagi ke kashmakas se lada karta hun.....

Yes,we get depressed

There are two reasons I have always been brutally honest about having had depression.

1. As a blogger, at my core is always a hankering for the truth, telling the truth and being unafraid to do so. Morally speaking, I would be a hypocrite if I expected other people to tell the truth about their lives but didn’t apply the same principle to myself.

2. I have found that telling people honestly that I have had depression helps them – especially the ones with depression but too scared to seek help.

I am also suffering from depression now And people who breezily declare they’ve never had depression in their life are probably lying.
I found many things how stop depression.

This is what i found.

1. No one can help you with your depression. You have to do something about it. Depression scares people; they don’t know what to do about it. They will talk to you for one time, two times and then they will get frustrated and start avoiding you.

2. Anti-depressants are not addictive. And if you take them you can get off them easily. So many people make the excuse about not going to a psychiatrist because they know and assume they will be prescribed medication. This makes them feel that they are succumbing to a drug that they will have to take for life. That is not true.

The anti-anxiety pills are entirely another ballgame. They CAN be addictive. I am talking about Xanax and Lexotanil. It is dangerous to take them on your own without a prescription because they can actually have a downer effect, which will make you feel worse.

3. Just taking a pill won’t necessarily fix your problem – talk therapy is needed too sometimes. There are roughly two types of depression I have experienced: chemical and situational. If I have been in a prolonged crappy life situation it has led to depression. Sometimes we are stuck and can’t change or remove people or conditions that are depressing us. In that case we either have to learn how to adjust or extricate ourselves.

The chemical depression, as I call it, is linked to the ‘happy chemical’ called Serotonin in my case. During several times in my life I was so deeply depressed that talk therapy wasn’t going to work alone because the chemicals were all messed up. So I started taking a medication to get better. The medication takes the edge off the blackness and helps you work with a psychologist to figure out how things can be fixed.

Just to be clear – psychiatrists prescribed medication and psychologists don’t. They offer therapy.

4. Some lies people tell you. People mean well but in my experience there are certain things that won’t help alone with depression if you’ve got it bad. When I used to be depressed people would tell me that I wasn’t grateful enough for what I had in life. Or that at least I wasn’t blind, or missing a limb. According to their reasoning, if I would just be grateful enough for what I did have, my depression would go away.

First of all, I am grateful for what I have. But there are certain things I want in life that I feel I can’t get. Everyone experiences that. This is not linked to my depression as my well-wishers tried to convince me. Depression is far more complicated a phenomenon to just go away by saying ‘thank you’. I can be grateful and depressed.

From time to time I suffer from existential dread: meaning, why am I here, what am I doing, what’s the point of all of this. I get anxiety, high levels of anxiety, about parents behave,about friends fraud,not being able to financially support myself. Never understand love. Becoming redundant at work. Persistent anxiety can drill a hole in your head, and be linked to depression so sometimes it is a good idea to meet a psychologist to get proper perspective on them.

If you read up on depression you’ll find that the more you leave it unattended, the worse it gets. It affects the brain the long run. It affects your relationships, work, self care, ability to exist.

Some people think of suicide but are too chicken to actually go through with it. That is called suicide ideation and it is a hellish place to be in. You are stuck in limbo, miserable, desperate, isolated and unable to do anything.

When depression has crept up on me, I have barely noticed it. That’s the hard part. Then I found I couldn’t get out of bed but the more I lay there the more my self loathing grew. I was not able to go to work. I hated everyone at work. I had anger. I hated myself. I hated the world. I couldn’t read, couldn’t watch films, didn’t go for haircuts. I felt cursed. The beast clung to my back.

I am sorry if any of you reading this are depressed. I wrote this for you. I know how bad it can get. I know that people don’t understand. I know you feel it will not end. But listen, the Cold War ended, so will your depression. You are not crazy, just not well. It takes a lot to be a ‘crazy’ person.

After retirement

Today i am writing a blog about retirement. Is it possible to live a meaningful life after retiring early, like really early? I think this entirely comes down to the person. I think a person who manages to secure retirement at a particular age is a fairly driven individual. I think there is little risk that this person ends up spending all day reading newspaper and watching TV.
Many people fear  retirement because they are used to living a life that has been structured by their employers. Get up at 6. Eat food. Get in car. Drive car to work. Sit at desk. Fill out forms. Give forms to other people. Eat lunch at noon. Sit at desk again. Push more papers. Go home at 5. Eat. Crash in front of TV. Go to bed.

Most regular people I talk to think this routine is highly meaningful. And they are looking for something to replace this structure. This is actually the first thing I worry about when someone talks about retiring no matter how old the person is.

It seems that some people are self-starters and many people are not. I believe most people are born self-starters. Most children are capable of creativity. Even if you leave them with nothing, they start playing. They can turn a small rock into an improvised cricket game, a stick into a sword or a bicycle into a spaceship. Most adults have substituted this creativity for this so-called meaningful work that they do filling out forms, pushing buttons, writing memos, … In return they have lost their creativity and their ability to generate their own meaning.

They worry what they are going to do when they retire. Who will provide their meaning for them?

The question you have to ask yourself before you retire.

Put the glass down today

The Professor began his class by holding up a glass with some water in it. He held it up for all to see & asked the students “How much do you think this glass weighs?" '50gms!'..... '100gms!' .....'125gms' ...the students answered. "I really don't know unless I weigh it," said the professor, "but, my question is: What would happen if I held it up like this for a few minutes?" 'Nothing' ….. the students said. 'Ok what would happen if I held it up like this for an hour?' the professor asked. 'Your arm would begin to ache' said one of the student "You're right, now what would happen if I held it for a day?" "Your arm could go numb; you might have severe muscle stress & paralysis & have to go to the hospital for sure!" ….. Ventured another student & all the students laughed "Very good. But during all this, did the weight of the glass change?" Asked the professor. 'No'…. Was the answer. "Then what caused the arm ache & the muscle stress?" The students were puzzled. "What should I do now to come out of pain?" asked professor again. "Put the glass down!" said one of the students "Exactly!" said the professor. Life's problems are something like this. Hold it for a few minutes in your head & they seem OK. Think of them for a long time & they begin to ache. Hold it even longer & they begin to paralyze you. You will not be able to do anything. 

 It's important to think of the challenges or problems in your life, But EVEN MORE IMPORTANT is to 'PUT THEM DOWN' at the end of every day before you go to sleep... That way, you are not stressed, you wake up every day fresh &strong & can handle any issue, any challenge that comes your way!  

So, when you start your day today, Remember  to ‘PUT THE GLASS DOWN TODAY!

Scuba diving craziest thing to do

let’s dive in and find out why.

“koh samui sep 2008, 8:30 pm. Sunset on the horizon. On the Zodiac -our tanks are filled up with regulators in place. We put our wets on and a warm breeze welcomes us. We talk softly, each one of us dreaming about the next hour to come for a night dive that looks very promising.

Because at night everything is different! And species that you never see during a day dive will now appear in front of you and tease you under the beam of your lights.

The boat stops.

The moon is here with its crescent a bit arrogant.

We start our dive, slowly…”

I was 22 when I took my very first scuba dive. I had always dreamed about diving in the ocean. For years i everytime i watched scuba diving programmes on discovery channel. I was just a young… but so impressed. Breathing quietly underwater… I couldn’t believe it!

I wanted to do the same thing and see it all myself!

Nowadays, according to the 2014 Annual Report there are around 6 million active scuba divers worldwide, with half of those in North America who travel worldwide for scuba diving in different location.

For the purpose of this post I’ll use the term recreational diving –diving for leisure and fun. This is different from technical diving which requires specialized training and equipment.

“We continue our descent toward that depth that seems to suck all of us deeper and deeper.

The Ocean is like a skin at the same time soft and sensual, warm and cold, safe and dangerous…

SO WHY SHOULD SCUBA DIVING BE YOUR NEXT GREAT ADVENTURE?

REASON 1: THERE’S NO GRAVITY!

Yes… that’s a huge discovery! Strapping on a tank of air and diving into the sea gives you an immediate feeling of flying or floating in space… just like an astronaut! No other place on earth can bring you this wonderful, unmatched sensation.
The moment I start my descent it’s like a freefall. But I’m in control. I can choose to go slowly or just dive in and rush -arms open like I’m sky diving! A great feeling – )

REASON 2: YOU’LL DISCOVER THE OCEAN AS ANOTHER PLANET

The underwater world is like no other you’ve seen: Right in front of your eyes is an ecosystem that has remained untouched and out of reach from air-breathing bipeds for millions or years.

REASON 3: IT GIVES LIFETIME EXPERIENCE

I couldn’t skip this reason… the one that makes me go diving again and again: Scuba Diving gives me the chance to meet new species and remember that incredible experience for the rest of my life!

REASON 4: YOU CAN CHOOSE YOUR DIVE

That’s the beauty of Scuba Diving! There are so many dive types that the choices may sometimes be overwhelming! But it’s not! Simply choose according to your taste, destination and level of certification. Your dive is yours to enjoy!

Types of available dives can include from shore, a boat, a pier or drift dives; they can include caves, wrecks or even search and recovery dives; and they can be done day or night.

You can even try experimenting with underwater photography or videography dives, especially in warm water destinations! When you return home you’ve got plenty of treasured memories to talk about and share on your Facebook page.

REASON 5: YOU CAN CHOOSE YOUR LOCATION

Why is Scuba Diving so great? You can dive worldwide!

In the States you have many choices: Oceans, lakes, rivers and quarries. And let’s not forget the Florida Keys, or the Hawaiian and Catalina Islands Koh samui and phuket in thailand.

I’ll not telling you to go here or there because I think one place is better than another. By experience, each new destination I’ve visited has been a very special discovery for me: in 100 km from phi phi island thailand -which provides some of the best cold-water dives around I saw giant white anemones.

In phuket, I loved the Great Barrier Reef (by the way it’s the largest living organism on Earth). Diving over boomies and watching that tiny coral life just under my ever astonished eyes was an experience I’ll never forget!

In krabi I had the chance to see wonderful creatures like lobsters and crabs…

I can safely say every dive is different and every one a thrilling adventure!

REASON 6: YOU MEET NICE PEOPLE AND LEARN DIFFERENT CULTURES

At the end of the dive we always had some warm hot chocolate to drink. And the captain of the boat was pretty cool.

Anyway, scuba diving will let you discover the many faces of human culture wherever you travel. And you’ll grow from these experiences.

REASON 7: AS YOU LEARN MORE ABOUT THE OCEAN YOU’LL WANT TO PROTECT IT

Generally scuba divers share the same fascination and respect for the underwater world. We all have our secret language with hand signs and our favorite dive spots with so many wonders that we can all talk about these experiences for hours.

It’s like being part of a special group or community. And that community is bound to cherish and thus protect the water around us from pollution, oil and bad fishing practices… to name just a few.

ProjectAware Foundation is a growing movement of scuba divers all around the world dedicated to protecting the oceans:

REASON 8: YOU CAN TAKE YOUR ADVENTURE TO THE NEXT LEVEL

This is obvious. I think by now you’ve guessed that scuba diving can be very rewarding and fulfilling. But now there is something new to experience. It’s like an underwater treasure hunt and it’s called geocaching!

When you go geocaching you become the Indiana Jones of the 21st century! You plan your next adventure by reading hints and following coordinates to find tiny treasures known as caches. You can get real creative at this new game and surprise people. (You may even surprise yourself!)

You can practice this sport as a beginner or even as a tech diver.

REASON 9: YOU’LL FIND A WORLD OF SILENCE TO ESCAPE INTO AND EXPLORE

Now I’ll answer my question at the top of this post: Is Scuba Diving the World of Silence as Cousteau professed?

We know how cacophonous the terrestrial world can be. Well, below the surface the noise quietly fades away.

You descent and observe. You’re lost in your thoughts while automatic movements make your dive safe. You’re alone…
It’s a very peaceful experience. Finally you give up swimming and just drift lazily with the current.

At the bottom of the sea, it’s a different world that no back-to-nature documentaries can match.

You sit on a sandy place, stop thinking and enjoy the view: a tiny fish swimming under the sand to hide, or an anemone fish -its colors hypnotizing you…

Suddenly you feel lucky to be part of a world you can witness without efforts.

How incredible! You never imagined this to be  part of our beautiful planet!

“Time is running out and so is my air. I start the ascent. It’s with lots of regrets that I turn away from this marvellous spectacle.

 I turn off my flash light.

 The moon shines its  light fully on us.

I arrive at the surface, my mind filled with colorful memories…”

TAKE AWAY TIPS

Get your scuba diving certification with a renowned organization like PADI,NAUI or SSI. To enjoy SCUBA Diving it’s imperative to get educated and certified under controlled conditions with the supervision of an instructor
Plan your dive as much as you can. Read about new places so you can discover the best dive for your next adventure!
Search Exvana’s directory of over 400 Dive Shops across North America for training, sales, rentals and dive trips.
Now sit down, relax and get a feeling of underwater extreme beauty of colors and shapes.

About whatsapp

MySmartPrice which raised USD 1 Million in funding from Helion Venture Partners and Accel Partners earlier this year, has launched a new service for users to compare prices and discover the best price using WhatsApp. The user just needs to send a message to 9332222222 with their query to get an instant reply.
MySmartPrice is an online price comparison and shopping platform which enables people to make intelligent buying decisions.

Well here we know by looking at the boom of ecommerce in India, MySmartPrice was launched in December 2010 .The platform boasts of a traction of 10 million unique users per month, listing more than 200 product categories from over 50 online stores in India.

Once the above number (9332222222) is saved in your phone, you just need to write the name of the product and send it as a message on Whatsapp. The results become more specific as the queries are narrowed down.
Today, more than 10 million users across India use MySmartPrice on a monthly basis to make their shopping decisions quick and easier. Considering the growing popularity of WhatsApp in India and world-over, I am certain that this new feature will become a phenomenal success and facilitate people in making not only the right choice but a ‘smart’ choice.

One of the advantages of this feature is that a user need not move to a browser and type in a long URL, followed by the product name in the search box anymore. This makes a big difference to the behavior part.

Majority of youth prefer social media, Whatsapp and instant messaging tool for communication. Using Whatsapp to search for a product has made it as easy as communicating with a friend. With over 50 million active users in India, Whatsapp provides a good platform for the new feature by MySmartPrice. And using Whatsapp for MySmartPrice's product might turn out to be a great move and lead to other players going the same way if this catches on.

Parents not always right

We are in this world because of our parents and we are well aware of the fact that we should respect them. They always think good of us regardless of our behavior and attitude towards them. They give us instructions and advice pretty often and we have a belief that they are always right. They want to see us succeed. But are they always right?
Well, Indoctrination should be the greatest problem when we talk about parenting. Indoctrination by our parents to believe their dogma should not be acceptable because this one thing has been the biggest problem in the world  which is causing violence, hatred and bigotry. Teaching a child to accept a set of beliefs uncritically is not good.  A child should be given a chance to think free and become a critical thinker but parents indoctrinate them.
Parents should give their children the chance to access their experience and knowledge, but also realize that their children aren’t them, they aren’t going to live the same way, nor will they want to be told everything, kids need to learn for themselves, even if it may hurt them, physically or emotionally and that will make them free of indoctrination and they become free and critical thinker.

No parent can be right all of the time because they would have to be perfect and there is not one person in this world that can truly claim to be perfect. Parents make mistakes, can have bad judgement at time and don’t always understand how different the world is now from when they grew up but lets face it they also have that much more experience than we do. A lot of what we go through growing up they have been there done that so I do not think its right to completely disregard what they have to say, but that doesn’t mean that every time they will have the right answer. Either way I do believe because of there experience there opinion/advice should be respected.

The world isn’t a perfect place. Now whether they are right most of the time or not is a different story, but, the fact is that parents can be just as stubborn as kids.  When they think they are right, they really think that they are right. And so it boils down to this: the more knowledge we have access to, the more sure we are that we have knowledge that our don’t parents have, and the more we think it is our right to question our parents. So it gives the impression that extra knowledge can rival the experience of our parents.

Hearts of stone

Some days back I met my angel here. A beautiful person. She has that kind of an aura around her. Her smile reaches her eyes and you can see her pure soul through them.

Just the same day we were walking through the road to a bakery shop and she froze in that shop. Tears welling up her beautiful eyes. Her face, a cruel shade of red. 

Her boyfriend just walked to leave her. No acknowledgement. No reasons given. As if she is invisible.

'C can't believe he can just ignore me like I don't exist', she says. 'I can't believe that he is too busy to even have a conversation with me. C wonder what makes him leave me like that.  he walks away like nothing happened at all, and I never existed.'but overall the time matters,situation were opposite.

As she fights her tears at the crowded bakery shop, I tell her it's okay.. It happens.. It will be alright.

But you know what, it's NOT okay. It SHOULDN'T BE happening, and it's NOT GOING TO BE alright. It is so NOT DONE.

Why do some of our hearts melt like wax .but i hope it wont be again. So friggin' unfair.

A blessed trip to srikalahasti (india)

Have you ever been in situations when you just go ahead and do something just because you were told to do it.. no questions asked.. not having any idea why you are doing that, or for what!?

It's even weird when you do it because some astrologer asked u to.. ok, the fact of the matter is that:
I do believe that astrology is a science.. but then I'm not too enlightened about dat science, so I end up believing the astrologers blindly and go ahead to do wotever is being suggested.. dat includes endless pujas and trips to temples which I have never heard of.. now, the second part is like a blessing in disguise to me.. I love visting temples..

This trip to Srikalahasti was something like dat.. I was adviced to do a rahu-ketu puja to ward off the ill-effects.. ok dude, so lets go do that as well! :)

The trip was wonderful .more so when it is a pilgrimage) and so was this temple which actually surprised me as I've never heard of it earlier. I have to admit, Google Uncle helped me Though comparatively speaking, info was abundantly available about this old temple town's more famous neighbour, Tirupati. And that lack of info is what prompted me to make this post which I hope would be of some help to people planning to visit this historic temple known as the Kailasa of the South (dakshinakailasa).

where is it?
On the banks of river Swarnamukhi in Chittoor district of Andhra Pradesh, India
about 30kms North of Tirupati, through Renigunta. (around an hour's drive by road)

how to reach there?
Nearest Airport: Tirupati
Nearest Railway Station: Kalahasti [KHT]. All trains from Vijayawada to Tirupati halt at Kalahasti.
Nearest Bus Stand: Kalahasti
The best option from Banglore is to go via-Tirupati: it takes around 5 hrs by bus to reach Tirupati(KSTRC/APSRTC do have their express/volvo options- though the Volvo bus service is not as frequent as the Express bus service), from where you can board an APSTRC bus shuttle (every half an hour) to reach Kalahasti in an hour's time.

options to stay?
The temple town is around 2-3 kms from the Rly statin and around 1-2 km from the Bus Stand.
there are some decent hotels around. One run by Saravanabhavan, which I found pretty good.

food?
The best option from what I could see is the Saravanabhavan Restaurant. Their gigantic paper dosas were a delight as always. n the pulao they serve there is the bestest!

locker facilities?
As I could see, most of the pilgrims were accomodating this temple visit in their pilgrimage itinerary because of it's close proximity to Tirupati. I felt most of them must b putting up in Tirupati and hiring a cab/bus to visit Srikalahasti. I could see a lot of (private) places providing locker facilities in the temple vicinity. There is said to be a temple run cloak room facility available, though I could not find it.
Cameras are not allowed inside.

what can I look forward to, in the temple?
Once inside the premises, I felt it is more of a puja mode with chants filling the air as compared to most of the other famous shrines where most of the devotees come in for darshans. Over here, most of the people seemed to have come to do some specific puja or the other. (it could have something to do with the fact that it was a saturday and also during the rahukalam) the puja ticket queues are pretty long and one finds every other family searching for the ticket counters.. in addition to the confusion caused by the options for the varied range of pujas conducted in the temple. (they have seperate counters for specific pujas, one needs time to figure out things there, so it's advisable to reach there much before your planned time for the puja) The longest of these was the queue for their trademark Rahu Ketu Sarpadosha Nivarana Puja

One needs to take tickets for the darshan too.. but then they have different rows for pradakshina and darshan depending on the cost of the ticket you have taken.. the costlier ones fetch you 5 star treatment and let you take the row nearer to the sanctum sanctorum while the others have to struggle their way through the row next to it. (yeah, money talks everywhere, baby!)

Keep lots of loose change with you.. (Read in multiples of Rs.10.. which I felt was the standard range in here)
Tipping/dakshina is inevitable in this place. It is a beautiful stone temple, and a pretty big one.. though not too big that you could get lost in there. There are many dieties placed around the pradakshina path, again with lone tantris/ priests doing arti. some of them had boards nearby displaying the dakshina rate from Rs.10 to 100. (Somehow it reminded me of the trips to some amusement parks, which charge you an entry fee and then once inside, you have to shell out more for taking the rides of your choice.. talk about commercialization.. it's like 'on your face', everywhere!) And at one place, a bunch of cleaners approached us demanding 'something' as they are the ones who clean the place. mind you, not just asking, but following you for 5 to 10 steps bugging you till you give them the money! (me thinks the Temple authorities should pay them over-time or something for working on Saturdays?)

main diety: Srikalahasteeswara (Lord Siva)
Other dieties in the temple:
'Sri Pathala Vinayaka', 'Sri Balambika', 'Sri Kalimatha' outside the shrine and 'Lord Saneeswara', 'Bezawada Kanakadurga', 'Lord Venkateswara', 'Lord Subrahmanya', 'Sri Kasi Visweswara', 'Sri Ramalingeswara' & 'Sri Dakshinamurthy'.

The story behind the name of the temple:
SriKalahasti got its name because in days of yore a spider (sri), serpent (kala) and elephant (hasti) elephant worshipped Shiva with great devotion. A spider lived in the inner sanctum and worshipped the Lord by weaving elaborate temples and images of Shiva. One day a breeze came up and caused the altar fire to destroy the spider’s offerings. It became angry and was about to gulp down the flame, (realize the Self) endangering its (ego’s) life. Appreciative of its devotion, Shiva appeared and granted the spider a boon. The spider requested moksha, release from the cycle of births and deaths. Accordingly it became one with Shiva, the Self.

A cobra worshipped Lord Shiva by offering rare gems, pearls and rubies that it brought from Nagaland, a mythical place where Nagas (serpents) dwell. Serpents are one of India’s most visible symbols of the spiritual power of the Self. The spiritual power of the Self, called Kundalini, the latent electricity of Consciousness, is hidden in the dark recesses of the unconscious like a snake hidden deep within the earth. After the snake had worshipped, an elephant, fresh from its purifying bath in the nearby river, came to worship. In preparation it sprayed the altar with water from its trunk, scattering the gems. It then proceeded to decorate the altar with leaves from a holy tree. When the cobra returned it was angered to see its offerings disrespected and replaced by mere leaves. So it replaced the leaves with gems. This charade repeated itself every day until the cobra became fed up and decided to punish whomever was destroying its offerings. When the elephant returned to worship with its leaves the cobra slithered up its trunk and injected its venom. In agony the elephant dashed its head on the stone altar in an attempt to kill the snake. The snake fell out of the trunk and died from its wounds and the elephant succumbed to the poison. Understanding that both had sacrificed their lives for the sake of their love of the Lord, Shiva resurrected them, gave them liberation and took them into his own body. At the foot of the linga one can see a spider, two elephant tusks and a five-headed (the five elements) serpent to remind the devotee of these acts of supreme devotion. [ quoted from here]

More about the Rahu Ketu Sarpadosha Nivarana Puja- which is basically done to appease the grahas to pacify malefic effects of the planet & neutralize its negative effects.

fee: the options are>
#1: the ticket for Rs.600> they do a mass puja in a hall (outside the temple)within the temple premises.
#2: the ticket for Rs.1500> this is apparently the same puja, but done inside the temple, near the sanctum sanctorum. This is also a mass puja, but the headcount will be comparatively less. Upto 4 family members can accompany the person to the pujawith this ticket.
Note: * Most of the online info refers to the ticket charge as 500/1000. I'm not sure whether they have ramped up weekend rates as in the multiplexes(i told you, it's the commercialization story, again!) or if it is a plain hike in the puja charges.
* There is said to be another option which costs Rs.250, for the same puja. But I could not find much info about it.

The fee(I'm talking abt the Rs.1500 option, here) is inclusive of the puja samagri (which consists of 2 metal representations of Rahu and Ketu, along with the prasadam of Laddu and Vada. make sure you ask the people for guidance/clarifications, as in addition to what you are given at the counter, you need to go around and get the flowers n leaves from others counters (at a nominal extra charge- which is very much required during the puja). make sure you carry your ticket around.. (very, very important.. u'll need it everywhere till the exit.)

from whatever little i know about the Puja, it is said to give better results if you do it during the Rahukalam.. and some astrologers even suggest the day on which you should be doing it. apparently Saturday is the most prefered day for it..

The puja is not a fire ceremony(homa/havan). It's mostly about praying to the two (snake like) metal representations of Rahu and Ketu and doing offerings with kumkum(vermilion) and haldi(turmeric) powders and flowers while repeating the mantras which the Priest recites.(now poor me had no idea whether i was speaking telugu or sanskrit or wotever.. but i was trying my level best to repeat something like what i interpreted he was saying.. n I found myself praying to God to forgive me if um actually saying something stupid!)

You'll be asked to tell the priest your name and gotra (now I thought he must be refering to the janmanakshatra..

The process takes not more than 20 - 30 minutes.

Dakshina (This tradition is one of acknowledgment, respect, and thanks):
Dont be surprised when the priest murmurs something in your ears like a mantra, after the puja.. and you hear something like 200 rs.! yeah, he's refering to the dakshina! you are required to keep 2 crisp 100rs notes on the betel leaf and hand it over to him. I told you, its inevitable! c'mon, someone who spends 1500 per head for a puja shouldnt be bothered abt shelling out aother 200 bucks, eh?

I've been told that after the puja, one should take bath and discard the clothes / ornaments that were worn at the time of the puja (which is symoblic of washing away all the ill-effects). But I could not find it from my online researches.. and I did notice that most of the devotees there, were wearing diamond/ navaratna rings and Rado watches and brand new Lee jeans and i seriously doubt whether they were planning to discard them!? ;)

Another free advice which I was given is that it's better if one doesnt go to any other temples on the way to /back from the temple. I'm not too sure if it is just a myth, 'coz as I said earlier I could see many people coming here after their Tirupati Balaji darshan.

about the Temple town: Beautiful place. helpful people. not too many hawkers around. Guess it has got to do with the saying that when you get that bulaava to visit places of worship like this, the Gods make sure that you steer clear of all the hindrances for the darshan.

I'd say that this chance to visit the Dakshinakailasa has been a blessing and would recommend it to everyone to visit the place atleast once in your lifetime.

My life memories

waqt na jaane kab ret ki tarah fhisal gaya...
bachphan kab beet gyaa ehsaas hi ni hua...
kab humaari badmaashiyan galtiyan ban gayi...
humaari chhoti chhoti farmaayisen zidd ban gayi...
vo raat ko kahaani sunke hi sone ki aadat badal gayi...
vo fizul waqt bitaane ke liye waqt ki kami pad gayi...
yaad aati hain vo bachpan ki galiyan...
vo masti ke din aur saari badmaashiyan...
vo din bhar khelna aur sabko sataana...
Iss matlabi duniyan mein bematlab pyaar krna...
gaadi mein seeshe ke paas baithne ko ladna...
Har gaadi se aage niklte waqt dusron ko chidhaana...
Chaand sath chal rha hain dekh ke mann mein mushkuraana...
Vo har mele mein jaane ki zidd krna...
Vo har dukaan pe naye khilaaune ki farmaaish krna...
Fhir bi Kisi aur ke khilaaune dekh ke andar hi andar jalna...
Vo kahin jaane ki khushi mein din bhar sapne bunanaa...
School jaane ke naam pe neend ka natak krna...
Nayi pencil class mein sabko dikhaana...
Shaam tak uske hazar tukde kar laut ke aana...
Kisike daatne pe maasoom sa chehra banaana...
Vo sabzi achi na lagne pe dusre ki plate mein dhire se rkhana...
Vo kulfi waale ki ghanti sunaai dete hi darwaaze ki taraf bhaagna...
Padhai ke naam pe sapno ki duniyan ghumnaa...
Raat ko pitne ke baad hi kaam pure krnaa...
Vo baarish ke paani mein naaw banaana....
Vo kagaz ke jahaaz mein puri duniyan ghum lena....
Oos mein har gaadi pe apne naam likhna...
ret mein apne sapno ka aashiyaan banaana....
Vo halke se dard mein bhi zor se chilaana..
Sabka pyaar paake khud ko sukoon dilaana...
Na maathe pe sikan thi na kaam ka bozjh...
Na bhaagne ki jldii thi ekdum sayaani thi soch...
Palak jhapakte hi ozhil hogya apna bachpan....
Yaad aate hi tez ho jaati hain dilon ki dhadkan....
Kaash Waqt ki paawandi na hoti aur bade hone ki bandish na hoti...
to cheen laata khuda se vo beeta hua zamaana...
Fhir se jeeke usme dhoonta apni masoomiyat ka khajaana...
Dheere dheere bade hue aur kaabil hue hum,
Achanak ek angel ka life me aa jana,
Vo masti aur sharartein aur ghumna phirna...
Usne har paresani se nikalna sikhaya,har waqt zindagi jeene ka matlab sikhaya...
Kai dhokhe mile is matlabi duniya me,
Sabko selfish paakar mera use karte hue bhi bhaut paya..
Phir us angel ne mera haath pakda,sambhala...
Zindagi ke har mod pe saath chalne ka vaada bhi kiya...
Har dukho ko baata usne,
Dosti ke dhokhe jo hue usme usne thama mujhe,
Zindagi me behatar insaan banna sikhaya usne ,
Par na jaane aaj udas kyu hai vo,
Aaj har pal aankhe uski nam hai kyu..
Usko zindagi me paake khush hu main,
Par tabhi waqt ne karvat li,
Haste khelte waqt ko le gaya koi..
Aaj main aur meri tanhai sab yaad karti hai...
Phir se pahle jaisa majboot banne ki hasta hua rahne ki ichha karti hai.
Par aaj bas unhe yaad krke mushkuraa liya krta hun...
Iss bematlb berehem duniyan mein fhir wahi pal jeene ki koshis kiya krta hun....

This week task

Don't you hate it when one of the blogs you read doesn't update for weeks, maybe months, and then one day they pop up in your newsfeed and all they have to say is sorry they've been gone for so freaking long?

Me too.

I've decided to do something daring. I might be insane. I am quite sleep deprived.

I'm going to write a blog post for every day this week. Monday to friday. I can't promise that every thing I post will be exceptional in quality but I'm going to have fun with it. :)

Shades of gray

MOST life events are not 'completely disastrous' or 'absolutely wonderful' but contain elements of both good and bad. Depression makes people think in absolutes.

All or Nothing, or 'Black and White' thinking is the thought pattern that allows us to generate a "flight or fight" response to danger. It is still needed in the world today, but not many times a day in relation to non-life-threatening stress, as so often happens with depression.

Because All or Nothing thinking is emotionally arousing, it causes over-dreaming and maintains depression, as described in the page on understanding depression.

All or Nothing thinking is found in depressed people all over the World include me. This is because it is part of the most primitive of human responses: The Fight or Flight Response.

When faced with a life-threatening situation, we must make a snap decision and act on it. There is no time for 'maybe this', or 'maybe that'.

Either decision will create an emotional reaction to allow us to fight or flee to the maximum of our ability.

Earlier in the Depression Learning Path, we talked about the importance of tolerating uncertainty when looking to overcome depression. All or Nothing thinking is the opposite of this. In a survival situation, there is no room for uncertainty, we simply have to decide to either run away or fight. Uncertainty causes hesitation, which would increase our chances of being killed.

But these responses evolved for times that were much more physically threatening. These days they are rarely required, at least not to that extent.
Since All or Nothing thinking is another thinking style strongly linked with depression, learning not to always think in 'all or nothing' terms but to see shades of gray is immensely helpful in tackling depression. It greatly reduces, or stops the emotionally-arousing thoughts that are necessary to maintain the depressed state.

The more we polarize our thinking the more likely we are to become depressed because extreme either/or thinking stimulates the emotions much more. Statements like "I'm a terrible person!" or "She's perfect; she's a saint!" or "I'm just a failure!" oversimplify life and cause massive emotional swings. Few marriages, holidays or jobs were 'complete disasters' but had different elements within them.

From this, you would expect that people prone to depression also get much 'higher' when positively excited. And indeed this is true, research shows that people who suffer from depression often need less stimulation to get really 'up'.

For a healthy emotional life, it's not more extreme happiness we need, but balanced emotions.

Key Understanding

More Calmness = Less Depression

Research shows clearly that people who experience extreme emotions ('positive as well as 'negative') are much more prone to depression.

So, if you are 'addicted' to getting high levels of emotional stimulation from experiences, conversations, relationships and so on, it could be time you started doing with less.

For less depression, it's not more happiness we need, it's more calmness.

As an ongoing way of perceiving reality, All or Nothing thinking is emotionally and physically damaging. If you spot yourself using this style, challenge yourself to think differently. There are particular words that people often use when thinking in this way. You can learn to spot them.

Always
Never
Perfect
Impossible
Awful
Terrible
Ruined
Disastrous
Furious
Of course, thinking and talking in an 'All or Nothing' way is much more emotionally exciting, and so may be difficult to give up. However, we all talk like this at times, particularly when excited or angry.

To look at how we can begin to incorporate the "gray", take for example a child failing a math exam.

They could say to themselves: 'I'm just plain stupid!' or they could say: ' I'm bad at math but I'm pretty good at English' (or sport, art, making people laugh or whatever it happens to be). The first statement is Black or White while the second focuses on lots of different elements and is not indicative of depressive thinking.

We can all make inner statements about ourselves but that doesn't make them true. Consider the following questions:

Can I be basically an intelligent person and still do something stupid?
Can I love myself and still get angry with them sometimes?
Can my partner love me but sometimes be insensitive?
Can one part of my life be difficult and other parts be easier and more enjoyable?
Can a part of my life be difficult now but in the future get easier?
Can some parts of an experience (such as a social engagement or vacation) be awful and other parts of it be OK?
Becoming less rigid in our thinking allows us to avoid using All or Nothing statements to depress ourselves without examining their validity. Using this 'cognitive' technique will literally allow you to spot what you are doing and therefore challenge its accuracy.

Remember: A major reason people depress is because of the way they perceive reality. Once this begins to broaden, depression has little to cling on to and will start to lift. Depression often centers around one recurring belief, such as "I'm just not the sort of person other people like."

Deliberately challenging this and coming up with alternative evidence starts to break down the depression. This can often be easier with the help of a friend or properly-trained therapist

Majestic kullu manali

Since my childhood I had heard about this Kullu-Manali package tours which honeymooners take ... as i heard and read in magazines ... since then I wanted to go to Kullu-Manali! Now was the time to explore the beautiful Himachal! I took a shared ride in a mini-van from Dharmashala to Manali. The drive in the night was a wonderful experience. It was dark, from the front seat only thing I could see in the headlights was the narrow road with pits and pot holes, blind curves, steep gradients, no street lights in most of the forest area! I reached Manali safe and sound early in the morning. After dealing with the agents I checked in to a hotel for 2N/3D package with food and 2.5 days shared tours for Rs.4000. For the quality of food, room and the tours it doesn't look expensive.
The best thing to do in Manali is visiting Rothang Pass. The drive is fantastic, the destination is fantastic! I started with a shared tour arranged by the hotel. There was a very funny honeymoon couple with me! They both provided a real comedy all the way. They wanted to experience snow up in the hills. The scenery through the valleys is majestic. On the way our driver asked us to rent the ski-suits telling that it would be extremely cold up in the pass. Each costed Rs.250 which I never used. The suite was really smelling of sweat and looked very dirty, it wasn't so cold to wear a ski-suite.

Rothang Pass is a natural divide between the Kullu Valley in the south and the Spiti Valley in the north. It is an ancient trade route between two areas and is open from May to November.

Once up in the mountains, that is at 13,051ft, the view of the surrounding Himalayan mountains is wonderful. The view of Hanuman Tibba is unparalleled. I saw a line of horses and horse-riders. They were charging Rs.600 for 1Km ride up to the snow line on the nearby peak to see the snow or that day few snow flakes!! Alas! Anyways, I didn't take a ride, opted to hike up instead. Initially I felt the altitude but then few stops for few sips of water did the trick. I went up much more than the horses could take. The powdery snow, almost nothing, was around and people were crazy about taking picture in that snow. What would they do if they had seen snow in Alaska? They would take few more pictures! huh? :) When I returned from my hike, the honeymoon couple had finished another round of breakfast and tea. They didn't see the snow!

Then it was time for some adventure, for some adrenaline rush! Yeah! Paragliding down. yey! The valley looks so very beautiful from top! I envy the birds! I wish they understood the gift of God! Fhew ... I felt so light flying ...Adventure doesn't come for free huh? ...

By that time the couple had finished another round of eating out! We went to Solang Valley just to stroll ... I didn't have budget for another glide and the couple didn't have the enthusiasm. We returned after sunset all tired ... All the way River Beas looked beautiful and I thought it would be nice to go for a white-water rafting adventure some day!

Next day, it was time for local sightseeing ... that included few temples and monasteries. Major being Hidimba Devi temple, Shiva temple in Manali and Vasishta Temple in Vasisht. The Vashisht temple has a black stone idol of Vashishta Muni. Near Vasistha Muni temple, there is a hot water sulphur springs. There are separate bathrooms for men and women. There is a Lord Rama temple nearby. The temples are built with extensively carved stones and wood. There were people playing traditional music when the arti was being performed.

The Manali market is a nice place for shopping. I spent more money here shopping and then on I had to tighten the budget for my travel a bit! It is a good place for eating out too! Good restaurants are all around.

Visited a monastery very near to the market. The place is beautiful and has few shops which sell Tibetan traditional items.

On the third day I went to Manikaran, a holy hot spring. The place is boiling hot ... feels like the river is boiling!

In my next visit to Manali I plan to camp and hike in the Great Himalayan National Park. Hope it happens some time soon! I will look forward to it!

Life is really hard

I woke up this morning at 5:00AM. I read and almost fell back asleep, but then my brain started grinding on stuff and I woke up again. I repeated half a dozen times and finally tried that trick with mobile games, but had the same result. I don't remember the last time I had more than one's decent night's sleep in a week. I'm stressed. I have too many things on my plate. This week I found myself impatient and yelling at myself. Although I was too stressed/tired/whatever to curb my behavior, I was not too much so to observe it. I don't want to live like this.

The last two years have been the hardest of my life. I was normal (normal for me). Now I find myself stressed out again to the point of being everything. At the beginning of the year I decided that this was going to the be "best year" kind of like the "summer of George." But now only 3 months left for again newyear.This morning I saw the way back to that. Today I will execute.

Life is hard. But the purpose of life is to be happy. Success should be judged not on wealth or accumulation of stuff, or even of how kind one is, but on how happy one is. Happiness is the goal. Everything else is just a means (all be it, an often misguided means) to that end.

For me, the key is to focus on what brings me happiness. Today is the day I make deep cuts to focus on the things that bring me happiness or the the things that don't today, but are a true means to that end (like doing work I don't like). If I'm not finding joy in myself, then everything else needs to change until that is once again the status quo. That is my litmus test.

Take an inventory of yourself to discover what brings you happiness. Cut down everything else until you are only doing things that move you on the path to happiness. That is what's best for you, your family and your business.

What brings you happiness, what do you do that is a misguided means to that end? What can you cut out today? What is your litmus test?

Make the ordinary come alive

If you are 35,no one will pity you.

You are poor because you have no ambition.
As with this quote by T.E. Lawrence – “All men dream: but not equally. Those who dream in the dark recesses of the night awake in the day to find all was vanity. But the dreamers of day are dangerous men, for they may act their dreams with open eyes, and make it possible.”

People lose out in life because of these 4 reasons:

Being myopic to opportunity
Looking down on opportunities
Lacking understanding
Failing to act quickly enough
You are poor, because you have no ambition.

Ambition is living a life of great ideals; a magnificent goal in life that must be realised.

In this world, there are things that are deemed unfathomable, but there is nothing in this world that cannot be done. The depth of one’s ambition determines the potential of one’ future.

The Story of Juliet Wu Shihong – one of China’s first-generation professional managers, who gained success by working her way up the ranks from a cleaner, a nurse, a marketing executive, through self-education and learning on the job.

She had been the general manager for the world’s most famous multinational IT groups’ Chinese branches (Microsoft 1985-1998; IBM 1998-1999). She is also China’s first successful international corporate executive to join the executive team of a domestic private firm. Wu was seen as a symbol of the new generation of business executives that China has produced in its economic reform and opening-up.

When Wu started off in a big company working from the lowest ranks, her daily job was to pour tea and sweep floors. Once, because she forgot her staff pass, the company’s guard stopped her at the door and denied her entry. She explained to the guard that she was indeed one of the company’s employees, and that she had merely left the building for a short while to purchase office supplies.

Despite her pleas, the guard still did not allow to enter. As she stood at the gate, she watched as those of similar age to her, but smartly dressed in business attire walking through without having to show their passes.

She asked the guard, “Why are these people allowed through without producing a pass?” The guard dismissed her coldly nonetheless.

That was the turning point for Wu – she felt great shame, her self-esteem trampled on.

She looked at herself, dressed in shabby clothes and pushing a dirty push cart. Looking back at those dressed in smart attire, her heart felt a deep ache from the sudden realization of the sorrow and grief from being discriminated. From that moment, she vowed never to allow herself to be shamed like this again, and to become world-famous.

Since then, she used every opportunity to enrich herself. Every day, she was the first to arrive at work, and the last one to leave. She made every second count, spending her time learning the ropes. Her efforts soon paid off; she was made a sales representative, and quickly progressed to being the regional general manager of this multinational company in China. Wu did not possess strong academic qualifications, and was revered as the ‘Queen of Part-timers’. Subsequently, she assumed the position of GM of IBM China. This is the Wu Shihong, the heroine in China’s business circle.

If not for the incident, Wu Shihong would not have had the ambition to become rich, and her life would have taken a very different path then.

You are poor because you do not have the desire to become successful.
You are poor because you lack foresight.
You are poor because you cannot overcome your cowardice.
You are poor because you lack the courage and determination.
With ambition you can overcome all inferiority and maximise your potential!
With ambition you can persevere, continuously learn new things and strive for perfection.
With ambition you can defy all odds, and create miracles when others daren’t.
No matter how poor your family is, do not doubt your own abilities and lose sight of your ambition.

When your family deems you worthless, no one will pity you.
When your parents do not have money to pay the medical bills, no one will pity you.
When you are beaten by your competitors, no one will pity you.
When your loved ones abandon you, no one will pity you.
When you have not accomplished anything by the time you are 35, no one will pity you.i hope this blog most of the people will like it.if you like it,leave comments or like.thanx

You are in a right situation

“Some flowers grow best in the Sun while others do well in Shade.

Remember, we are put where we grow the best and accordingly we get people and situations to grow with”

 A lot of times we get this question :”Why I am this situation when others are in a better one”.The quote above explains a lot. We all have different lessons to learn to grow. A dishonest man need to learn what is honesty while a greedy man needs to learn how to be generous.

Sometimes I think the whole nature is so perfect. There is a perfect rhythm and balance in all the things in nature. Only a prefect one can design such a perfect system and how can that perfect one put us in a  wrong situation. At times things seem bad but when you look back you know there was a good reason why that happened. I feel when we accept what we have and where we are, the intense peace and power that we get enable us to overcome the toughest  situation in life.

May we all realize that life is fair and we are always in the right situation

What i learnt today

“Holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal

with the intent of throwing it at someone else

You are the one who gets burned” –Buddha

Isn’t it so true ?? When we get angry with someone , we are the ones who are burning from inside with anger. We feel that if we forgive that person then we will be doing that person a favor but the reality is that if we just let it go and forgive the person we are angry with  then we will be doing OURSELVES the biggest favor. At the end self love is the greatest love so we can always do ourselves this favor

We don’t realize but we are the ones who suffer when we hold on to anger. Sometimes the person we are angry with doesn’t even know what we are going through but we continue to burn ourselves with anger. I know anger is a really powerful emotion and it tends to take complete control of you but if we become conscious of our anger and know that it will for our good  to let it go then it will definitely help. Its a slow process but works.

Its very natural to forget about these philosophies when we are angry but if we can remind ourselves of it once in 10 times, its still good

Cure after weekend party hangover

Well today is sunday and most of the people enjoy to celebrate late night parties.It’s a familiar feeling – a heavy head, over-sensitivity to light and noise, sickness and a raving thirst - hangovers make you wonder whether it was all worth it!  With the majority of us enjoying a glass or two as part of a celebration or as an occassional reward after a hard day in the office or weekend party here are top 10 tips to prevent or, if all else fails, ease that hungover feeling...
On the day...

1. Never drink on an empty stomach – dairy including milk and yogurt are excellent stomach liners, so if you’re not going to be eating with the alcohol enjoy a small carton of plain yogurt with a banana, a bowl of cereal with milk or some cheese and biscuits before you venture out.

2. Limit fizzy alcoholic drinks – it's true these really do go straight to your head. The bubbles they contain speeds up your absorption of alcohol, so limit the number of glasses of sparkling wine, fizzy cocktails and champagne.
3. Avoid a nightcap - darker drinks especially spirits like brandy or whisky have a higher level of compounds called congeners, which are formed during the fermentation and distilling process. These compounds are thought to make your hangover worse – so if you must have a nightcap try a white spirit instead.
4. Before you call it a night stop that hangover in its tracks by drinking plenty of hydrating fluid – plain water is perfect.
 
The morning after…

5. Avoid the hair of the dog – no matter what they say, more alcohol is really not the answer.
6. Now you need more than just water – coconut water, a sports drink or a rehydration drink will help restore your hydration levels. You can make your own rehydration drink by dissolving a tablespoon of sugar and a teaspoon of salt in a pint of water and sip throughout the morning.
7. Limit caffeine – you may be desperate for that caffeine pick-me-up but drinking too many cups of tea or coffee will only aggravate hydration levels – so stick to one cuppa until you’re feeling yourself again.
8. Tuck in to a nourishing breakfast – it’s the best way to replace the vitamins and minerals that your body will have lost as it worked hard to process the alcohol.  If you can’t face food, even a bowl of breakfast cereal fortified with folate and iron should help to redress some of the damage and lift your energy levels. Alternatively, if your stomach is up for it opt for B-rich wholegrains like a piece of wholemeal toast with a poached or scrambled egg, some grilled tomatoes and mushrooms and finish with a glass of orange juice.
9. Avoid aspirin or ibuprofen – you may think they’ll sort your head out but they’ll only irritate your upset stomach further.
10. Resist your cravings – you may be longing for a sugary fix but don’t indulge yourself- sugary drinks and foods will only add to your already unbalanced blood sugar levels.  Instead satisfy your sugar fix naturally by choosing fresh fruit for its vitamin and water content or blend yourself a fruit and yogurt smoothie.
 

7 types of friends you really need in life

One thing that we all need is a friend … or two, or three. Too many times we think of someone as a friend, when they’re really just an acquaintance. True friends have qualities that acquaintances do not. Can one or two people have all these qualities? Sure. I would say that if you find someone who exhibits all of them, you’ve found a true friend, maybe even a soul-mate.
Wishing to be friends is quick work, but friendship is a slow ripening fruit.  –Aristotle
I believe there are 7 types of friends we all need. I’ve found 4 and striving to find rest !!
(1)A friend to listen to us

It happens so rarely, perhaps that’s why nothing is more powerful than the art of listening. When someone focuses on you and listens to your ideas, your thoughts, and your concerns, you’ve found a friend. Bonus points if they can listen without prejudice, passing judgment, or feeling the need to constantly give advice or tell you “what they would do.”
You can make more friends in two months by becoming interested in other people than you can in two years by trying to get other people interested in you. –Dale Carnegie
(2) A friend we can trust

Trust is a tricky issue and is rarely an “either/or” proposition. Trust is something that comes in degrees, but it is something that is a vital part of any friendship. As a matter of fact, without trust, there can be no friendship.
It is more shameful to distrust our friends than to be deceived by them. –Confucius
(3) A friend to accept us

Acceptance is a willingness and an openness to see things as they really are without scurrying around trying to change them to fit our mold. For example, if you’re feeling tense, you’re just feeling tense. That’s it. A friend doesn’t think it’s horrible or catastrophic or that it will last forever. They certainly don’t think you won’t be able to handle it. It doesn’t mean anything, except that you’re feeling tense at a particular moment.
Acceptance doesn’t mean blanket approval. We can accept a situation without approving of it. Acceptance doesn’t mean we’ve given up. I can accept a diagnosis without giving up on treatment. Acceptance means we’re paying attention.
When your friends begin to flatter you on how young you look, it’s a sure sign you’re getting old. –Mark Twain
(4) A friend to help and support us

Friends help and support each other. Simply put, a friend is loyal and will set aside his or her interests to help. They will faithfully support your decisions and help you see things from different perspectives, even if you don’t always see eye to eye.
There are three faithful friends – an old wife, an old dog, and ready money. –Benjamin Franklin
(5) A friend to love and respect us

Love is putting someone’s highest interests at the top of your priority list. Respect is understanding that others actually can make a worthwhile contribution. It’s hard to have one without the other. A friend is someone who both loves and respects us.
Love begins by taking care of the closest ones – the ones at home.  –Mother Teresa
(6) A friend to hope with us

Hope is the confident expectation of great things to come. We need hope. Someone without hope is a pitiful, dying soul. We need friends who will build up hope inside of us, that will help us hang on just a little while longer when things seem their darkest.
Friends… they cherish one another’s hopes. They are kind to one another’s dreams.  –Henry David Thoreau
(7) A friend to challenge us

We need people in our lives who will challenge us to become better, to strive for more. No, I don’t mean in the sense of accumulating more things, or climbing the corporate ladder, but in becoming better in all the areas I’ve just outlined.
It is easy enough to be friendly to one’s friends. But to befriend the one who regards himself as your enemy is the quintessence of true religion. The other is mere business.  –Ghandi
We need each other. Plain and simple. We need each other for friendship, for companionship, for fellowship.
Now the big question: How well do YOU stack up in these areas? Don’t answer that in the comments, but answer it in your own voice inside your head. Where do you need to improve your friendship skills so that someone absolutely needs you in their life?
When you choose your friends, don’t be short-changed by choosing personality over character. –W. Somerset Maugham

A dream you dream together is Reality.

A dream you dream alone is only a dream, but a dream you dream together is reality.”
This quote is one that I hold near and dear to my heart for many reasons.  The major one being that in my life I truly believe those words.  We spend so much time dreaming and for some dreaming even brings a sense of fear, but there is something so incredibly special about not only dreaming but also sharing those dreams with another. 
I used to often say be careful who you share your dreams with, because unfortunately in life there are always doubters, but then there is the other side, the beauty that comes with sharing your dreams with another.  Every now and then throughout our lives if we are so lucky we find another, someone we trust, someone who respects us and someone that will do nothing but encourage us to fulfill our dreams, someone that holds our dreams as close to their heart as we do ours.  Then, there are the times that we find not just an individual but a group of people, a community, a family of individuals who we are able to share our dreams with.  It is in those moments that we realize how many people play a part in making out our dreams.It takes another, it takes someone we love, a community of people, a family, people far and wide, some who we may not know, to come together and help push us towards taking that dream and turning it into a reality. 
As kids we dream, we dream of being a professional athlete, a business owner, an astronaut, an actress or actor, or maybe even the President of the United States, our world is full of dreams.  Then, as we get older we find ourselves at time losing sight of those dreams, having others around us tell us that our dreams are too grand. When we as adults stop dreaming and losing sight of our dreams we risk losing that innocence that we had as children.  Sure, as you get older reality sets in but who is to say that reality can’t be your dreams that you once dreamt?
We have these hopes and dreams for what our life will be, what we will be, how we will leave our mark on this world, but why does it seem that with age people stop dreaming?
At 20 years of age I created my dream of being best and it was then that I realized I couldn’t dream it alone, I needed the support of others, I needed a community of people around me who shared that dream with me in order to succeed.  Now, I am 27 and chasing the most personal dream of them all for myself, my dream of walking. 
Some days, it is hard to consider it a dream because it seems too simple.  I walked for over 18 years of my life.  I woke up every morning and I put one foot in front of the other and I never thought twice about it, it was what I knew.  Now, something that for so long of my life was second nature is one of my biggest dreams and that is a hard thing to explain.  In some ways it seems hard to consider it a dream knowing how freely I was able to do it for majority of my life.  But now, this dream, much like my dream of being best and a tag with business tycoon I know in order to achieve I can’t dream it alone, I need to share this dream with loved ones, with a community, with all of you in order to make it a reality.
I often talk about dreams, and quite honestly I could write about dreams everyday, but I believe it is the ability to dream that gets us out of bed every morning.  The ability to aspire to achieve greatness, and no matter what the age continue to chase our dreams. The reality is until we dream we don’t know our full potential because it is those dreams, simple or grand, that push us each and every day.  If we are lucky enough maybe, just maybe, we will find another to share those dreams with and together it will become a reality.

An unsung eulogy

As the mighty rain has settled in her town
Creel on head, she’s out without frown
The fish are fresh, and if streets are dry
She’ll sell them to every passer by

The catch is small as wave was fierce
and her rotten net needed repairs
But those young drooling eyes don’t realise
that waiting and hoping will never suffice

For she too waited, fancying it’s a sham
that tsunami to which she lost her man
But hunger and misery broke her trance
For survival, she seized another chance

Her growing kids, her ageing face
her placebo of memories, her totem of rage
the potent gaze of her weary eyes
that was real beauty, now I realise

But the minced words of that enchanting sorceress
Who worked for them in her cramped fortress
When heard were full of chagrin and fears
If her young ones could tell trickery from tears

She wept noiselessly and never complained
The living-for dead- should not be refrained
Happiness, though fatherless, was their right
So widowed & vowed, she remarried her plight

That woman utopian on a stage dystopian
Performing her role, banal & vaudevillian
That shapeshifting figure doing her duty
Is my human version of real beauty...

You just read an unexaggerated account of a young fisherwoman I met. Having never forgotten her face and her story, I decided it was time she gets her tribute. Brooding as I wrote this, I can still imagine her with her creel, looking around with those unforgettable eyes, just as when I asked her which way to taxi, and our conversation began.

Oxigen Wallet helps you make transactions secure and fun through social media

The safest way to double your money is to fold it over once and put it in your pocket.

-Kin Hubbard

Whether we like it or not money is what makes the world go round. In this digital age, time is of the essence. We all want fast and easy transactions and access to money at all times and in case of emergencies. Physical wallets are slowly being replaced by digital wallets. Even Apple recently launched Apple Pay to make transactions easier and quicker.

Many of us have been in a situation where we are in need of money but have no easy access to ATMs or to a friend or family member who could lend us the money. Oxigen Mobile wallet aims to make transactions easier by making it social.well i also use oxigen wallet for secure transfer and i found that its very secure.now i tell how?

Oxigen Wallet is a prepaid wallet approved by the Reserve Bank of India (RBI). It is India’s first non-bank wallet to have tied up with National Payments Corporation of India (NPCI) for instant money transfer.

Users can transfer money quickly 365 days, 24X7 from mobile any-time, anywhere.

They can use the wallet to recharge mobiles & DTH, buy movie tickets, share bills, share rent with friend, buy flowers, order pizza, shop online and do much more.

Oxigen Wallet claims to be bank grade, safe and operator agnostic.

Using the app, you can load the wallet using IMPS, debit cards, and credit cards, and apart from payments within the app, you can use the mobile wallet service for payments at over 2000 online merchants like BookMyShow, eBay, Domino's, GoDaddy, and IRCTC, etc

One of the USPs is that the money can be sent across without even knowing the recipient’s bank details.

Features of the app
The app has a wide range of features such as Instant Payments, sharing money through social media such as Facebook, Twitter, Google+ & Whatsapp.

Users can also send money to a mobile number that does not have an Oxigen Wallet and can also send money to any bank account across 60+ banks pan India, including State Bank of India, Axis Bank, Citi Bank, HDFCBank, ICICI Bank, and Yes Bank etc.

The app has also been certified by RBI and as an added incentive users earn ‘Oxigen Points’ on select transactions which they can redeem for cash. The service also has robust fraud control measures in place.
Along with money, users can also send photos, videos, audio, and text messages to personalize the transfer. In the coming weeks, users will also be able to gift or ask for a mobile recharge.
Security: The company assures its users that security is at the crux of the technology, and each feature comes in-built with multiple layers of security, making this new wallet service an extremely secure way to transact. This service is bank and operator agnostic. This means everyone on a mobile irrespective of their telecom operator can download the app and use the Oxigen Wallet. A consumer can also easily send money to a non-wallet user by simply selecting the receiver from their social network, email or phone list.

Pros and cons:

The Android app requires 5.0MB of storage space and requires Android 2.3 or higher, while the iOS app requires iOS 6.0 or higher and takes up 4.8MB of space. The ability to send money without even knowing the recipient’s bank details across social media or via phone number is a big plus.The app has a sleek UI and has a good UX as well. It is fairly simple to use as well.

I noticed a few minor bugs though. After signing up, I did not receive the six digit login password on my registered email ID or as a text on my phone.I had to go through the 'Forgot my Password' process and apply for a new one. Internet banking is also not yet supported.

YS verdict

With over 100,000 downloads and an average rating of 4/5 on the Google play store and on iTunes, it is definitely a must-have app for users who make a lot of online transactions and for those who want access to their friends and social media, while making transactions. 

Oxigen Wallet is available on Android, iOS & Windows platforms. Do give it a try and let us know what you think about it.

Fall from grace! Chris Cairns cleaning bus shelters to make ends meet

In what appears to be a drastic turn of events, New Zealand's star all-rounder Chris Cairns has decided to get his hands dirty in order to meet the daily expenses and provide for his family.

The 44-year-old cricket icon, who is currently under investigation by British authorities for alleged match-fixing, has been busy cleaning bus shelters and driving trucks for a mere 17-dollar-an-hour wage.

According to the Mid-Day report, the former cricketer has taken up a job with the Auckland council, where he drives a truck that goes around water-blasting bus shelters in the New Zealand capital.

Dion Nash, former New Zealand cricketer and one of Cairns' best friends, revealed: "He (Cairns) is trying really hard and supporting his family the best way he can. He's not moping around, he's showing guts and doing hard work by cleaning bus shelters," said Nash, adding that he stands by his friend on the fixing issue.

"All I can do is support him, but as a friend it is really hard to watch his name being dragged through the mud with no conclusion in sight. He's a champion guy and he will come through this stronger," Nash told the New Zealand Herald.

Cairns' wife Mel Crosser also revealed their ordeal to a women's magazine and said, "He has no choice, he has to provide for his family.

We have bills to pay like everyone else. We don't own a house, we're paying rent and getting by is a struggle."

Cairns, father of four, is regarded as one of the finest cricketers New Zealand has produced. He followed his father, Lance, into the New Zealand team and in 62 tests, scored 3,320 runs with five centuries at an average of 33.5 and took 218 wickets at 29.4.

He played 215 one-day internationals, scoring 4,950 runs and taking 201 wickets.

The stories we carry

“Their story, yours, mine - it's what we all carry with us on this trip we take, and we owe it to each other to respect our stories and learn from them.” - William Carlos Williams

Most people learn from their boss what to do,but they should also learn what not to do.

In life we face lots of people and everyone teaches us something. We must always try to learn as many things as possible from as many people as we can specially the good things.

Now, who do we learn good things from? Well, the answer is obvious - Good people!

No!

Not just from good people, you can also learn to do good things from Bad people.

See, if you're working, and if you had the opportunity to work with more than one Boss/Manager, you would have realized that some times you get a difficult boss, or may be sometimes your usual Good Boss, turns into a bad one.

So what do learn from them? Lets just say, you need to learn from them WHAT NOT TO DO when you become the boss!

Still confused? Let me try again. See, lets say you don't like a hypocrite boss. For example, the boss always comes late but tells you to be punctual. Or may be he violates ethical principles, but gives you lectures on moral values, then what do you learn?

You learn to not behave the same way with your Juniors! See, the point is, if you don't like something in him (and it includes what your colleagues may not like about your Boss) you should understand that people will not like it, when you repeat the same.

I have often seen many people (may be even I do it and may not yet know it) do the same things they hated about their boss. They might be unaware of the fact that they treat their juniors the same way, which they hated when their boss treated them.

So lets just remember what we did not like as Juniors, so that when we are the boss, our Juniors need not complain the same things about us, as we did about our previous bosses. 

Those childhood days

Wo udte parinday ko dekh mujhe apna bachpan yaad aa gaye,
kabhi hum bhi aise udte the, aaj sochte he jaise baadal chaa gaya hai.

Kya to din the wo, kya to zindagi hua karti thi,
wo ghar ki teesri seedi se chalaang maarne me bhi khushi mila karti thi.

Wo paani ki bottle gale me daalkar school jaya karte the,
aur subah subah ghar waale bus stop tak chodne aya karte the.

duniya ko dekh har din kya kya sapne sajaya karte the,
bas unke baare me soch he khushi se jhoom jaya karte the.

Wo school ki choti choti si ladai me kya kya bol jaate the,
aaj samajh ata hai, kya pagal the hum, kaise gul khilaate the.

Wo ghar aakar garam garam khaana khaane ko milta tha,
Us khaane ka kya bolun, ek alag he maza hua karta tha.

Sham ko doston ke saath khelne ke plan banate the,
Sabse badi tension "ground khali ho" ke baare me sochte reh jaate the.

Parikshaon ke samay to jo haalat khraab hoti thi,
bas wo maa ka bolna ki, beta ho jayega se he santushti mila karti thi.

Kuch aisi he thi wo zindagi, najaane kahan chali gyi.
Abhi kal he to jee rahe the, kahin gayab si ho gayi.

Ab pairon pe khade ho rahe hain, to sab samajh ata hai.
Chote tha, bhole the, wo bachpan ab nazar naa ata hai.

Aisa nhi hai ki sapne dekhne bhool gaye hai ab,
Wo dekhne ka asli nazariya nazar nhi ata hai.

Is tez daudti zindagi ke jhamele me,
najaane kya kya peeche choot jata hai.

Bas kuch pal hote hai jab achank sab yaad ata hai,
Usi me thoda muskura lete hai, usi lamhe ko yaad kar aaj ek aur din nikal jata hai.

I miss those days

Not a day goes by when I don’t feel like going back to the college life. Those two years of mba has been more of a lifetime to me. So many memories we have to remember and cherish. Everything has been captured in our minds, hearts and few gigabytes of computer space.
               
 I sleep every night knowing that I have a schedule to follow the next day, wake up in the morning, get ready, go to work, have lunch, come back, have dinner and sleep. All I hope for is some kind of magic that when I wake up tomorrow morning, I will have my friends sitting with me in the canteen and we will be engrossed in our senseless conversations as always not even realizing the time be it day or night. Those talks, some even used to result in arguments. Damn! I miss those arguments and discussions.

Even now I go to the canteen, I pay for my food, take a small table and a chair and soon I realize the nearby chairs are empty. It’s me, just me, having my meal with no one to share with, to chat with. Back in those days everyone used to jump on whatever we had, occupy all the chairs, eat and just talk and talk. I miss being in such a group.

I miss hanging out with friends. Going out in those days meant fun, making memories and living life to the maximum. I do hangout today but it is not for fun, more of a necessity. Colleagues have replaced friends. Everybody needs a change from the hectic weekday work. That’s the sole purpose of the party we have now. Back in those days, every day was like a weekend if we wanted to make it like one, now we just wait for it. Earlier we used to plan so much for the occasions, now we don’t even feel like doing the same. Those occasions have become just another day now. I miss planning such outings and events.

I can never forget the mindset just before the last exam of every semester. It was just so hard to study. Our later plans were always ready even before the exam started. As soon as the exam was over, people used to run out of the examination hall, some happy, some sad faces and the first line from most of the people used to be “So, kitne baje ki bus se nikalna hai city?”.

Waking up on the alarm clock, following the same schedule every night and day has become part and parcel of our hectic lives now. The only slight excitement we have now is on Friday, when we look forward to the weekend to relax. We don’t have a SNOOZE button for the alarm clock anymore because getting late or missing lectures in college was fun, but in office it is not acceptable.

We always wanted to grow up, didn’t we? Now we realize that tomorrow maybe be better than yesterday but it won’t surely be that happening and exciting.

This life has just started; tougher times are going to follow. In friends, we have discovered our new families. A tear falls from my eye this very moment because I remember each and every face, the people I love. Wish we could all still be together. I so want to relive those days, bring those photographs back to life again, watch the recorded videos as live performances, but I know I can’t.
That time has gone. Those days are over.

Is indian culture too cool to follow blindly?

An uncle whom I knew since childhood recently lost his job. He was about to complete 25 years in the organization but due to the cost-cutting methodology of the company, 15 people were shown the door, uncle being one of them. His daughter and I are childhood friends. I don't even remember since when I know her. That's how long the friendship is. My dad called me to inform regarding this tragic news of him sitting at home at the stage when two of his daughters are almost ready for marriage while a son is still in 7th std. The eldest daughter, my friend, has completed her LAW and is practicing these days. My parents were very sad about the happening and almost all the time went in discussing how will they survive. I just couldn't tolerate the whole thing so I questioned. 

          I asked my father that when my friend has started earning, will not the whole family survive and eat by that income? Talking about the two children who are still studying, they can continue their education from the money uncle would be getting from the company- which would be in lakhs. And suppose even that turns out to be less, education loan is always there. But my parents say that they can not take money of their daughter as our so-called sanskaar says that a girl's money shouldn't be considered as our own. I laughed. I said that if this is the condition, then ask why didn't he save appropriately or why did he produce his 3rd child at the time when he must have calculated that his son will earn only after his retirement. And any unfortunate event related to job happening before his retirement would lead to a great financial crisis.

           My father still kept saying that whatever you say is right but still girl's money couldn't be used at home considering she is going to be some other family's part. How sick is that! And then the argument began. What is the use of culture if its saddening almost everyone attached to it. A culture should be something that brings peace and system in society. But the day you realize the same culture has become a reason of destruction, worries and sorrow, you should remove it or change it. A culture should be made adaptive with times because the world has progressed enough. You cannot always follow something that was created 1000 years back. It's cool that our forefathers followed almost everything that was taught to them by their fathers but it's our time and if we find that we are getting into trouble because of those rules and cultures, it's time to change them.

          If girl's money is the only source of living that it has to be utilized otherwise the family is dying. Otherwise why did you invest so much in your daughter's education? Now when she is standing shoulder to shoulder with boys, you are not letting her help her parents till their last breathe like a son does. Isn't this violation of a person in name of culture? Our parents always keep reminding us of culture whenever we start doing something that is out of box or too liberalized. I don't understand how culture can take away someone's freedom to perform activity of his/her own interest. Indian culture is shameful these days. Dowry, killing girls before birth, giving whole property to boy, spending hefty amounts in wedding, blaming girls for rape, hiding girls in black burkha etc is what Indian Culture is. It has to be changed otherwise tears and painful death are the only gifts you will achieve in the end. That's all.

A forgotten page from life

I will respect my elders.
I will help others.
I will say the truth.
I will be a good human being.
Sometime in the late eighties. A school classroom. Charts with drawings in crayons hang around its walls. A stocky lady teacher with thick plastic rimmed glasses perched on her nose stands facing a class of six year olds , who sit on little wooden chairs and write the above lines in their brown little notebooks.

There is a child .The first bench. She makes the short children sit in the front so that she can see when they are not listening. The child writes down the lines too. Hesitant , unsure handwriting. Maybe a word or two is spelt wrongly. I think that child used to spell a being as beeng at that time. But he did write the lines.

I will be a good human beeng.

A simple sentence. A sentence that is made up of simple thoughts. Respect elders. Help others. Be kind. Say the truth.

Six year olds are innocent people. They believe everything their teachers tell them. That child too believed what she told him. That he was to be a good human being when he grows up. That child wanted to be a good human being when he grew up .

Twenty One years later , that child sits on the carpetted floor of this living room typing words you read now. He has grown up now . He studied his books well . Went on to become an engineer , then went to a good management school . Now works at a big company .

Over the years , he was faced with a lot of choices . And he made many choices . I don't know if he evolved , but he changed .

Amongst the trigonometry lessons , the thick books of software engineering and the prolonged lectures on service marketing , he forgot that sentence he wrote in that little , brown covered notebook that day. No , wait . Maybe he did not forget . But he did not care much about it . The world did not care much about it , either . Nobody , including himself , asked “Are you a good human being , as you promised once ?”

They applauded when he proved himself better than others . Faster than others . Sharper than others . He went faster when others went ahead . That is what matters . Better than others . . Being a good man did not matter much to anybody , and he believed it did not matter to him . He was no longer that child .

I have not been good so far . I have hurt people , I have said things which have tore apart hearts of good souls , I have been indifferent , not caring about who I really am now , who that child was , and not caring if me and the child would ever meet again , talk again , be one again .

But today , the dusty clouds have parted a little , and a long forgotten , once familiar sound of a child has managed to flow in like the first rays of a winter dawn. And the voice says “I wanted be a good human beeng . Why have you become this ? Don’t you remember me ? ” And today , the grown up man wants to listen to that child , and believe in that child , and be that child . Because after a long time , he has found a friend who believes in being good more than being better . Who wants to help a million hands rather than control a million people . A friend , who looks at the world from the selfless eyes of that child I once was , without the layers of selfishness this life wraps around us adults . A friend , who gives me a strength and direction , not by loving me , but by being who she is . A friend , who gives me the confidence that I can find myself , because I see a part of me in her . A friend , who more than being loved , is worthy of being respected .

The white cloud of simplicity I have found gives me the strength to try to be that child again , to realize who I really am , and to be good again.

I know people will read this . Some people who think I am not a good man . Some people who think I am not practical enough . Some people who think I will change , and probably would forget these words soon enough . Some people who think I do not have the courage to be who I say I want to be . Some people who think I do not know what I really want to be . Some people who would not understand , and will think I do not understand.

All I can say is , I know what this means to me . And I do not expect many to understand what this means to me . Thanks to you , friend , I am talking to that child again . I had some good people with me always , but before you came along , I had given up on trying to be who I really wanted to be . Even though I do not have that brown little notebook today , that page has not been clearer to me before today . And I will be a good human “beeng” . Maybe not faster . Maybe not sharper . Maybe not a winner for the world . But definitely a good human being .
~ To my many unseen , and some seen , friends here :

I know I have found the one I want to share my life with . I assure you she won't manage to make my posts any less stupid , but I know I will be happier .